A closer look and a message brought back from a Near Death Experience.
I have thought about writing this post many many times. And I am never quite sure where to start. The first thing that always comes to mind is a memory of myself at about 5 years old, warm summer day, all the kids outside playing. I was sitting on my bed it was early morning. The window is open the smell of warm summer air streaming through the room, birds singing, and the morning sun shines across my legs. I just want to be in this moment. I remember my mother coming in and kneeling in front of me gently placing her hands on knees as I sat cross legged on the bed- the entire day, it was now dinner time. “What did you see ?” she asked. The universe, I answered and proceeded to tell her all I had learned that day and that I was quite surprised how quickly the day had past. She couldn’t understand how I could know such things as I had told her, yet she didn’t question it either. We went and had dinner and the day went on as usual. Sometimes I would later find her looking things up in a big set of encyclopedia’s and she would point things out to me regarding what I had told her earlier.
I had many experiences like this and well different than this through my 20’s. Lots of traveling and as we would call it then, now “downloading” of information. What type of information? Anything honestly, anything I needed to know. People would say “but how do you know that” I would simply answer, “I asked” because, well, that’s what I did. And sometimes it was given without my asking.
But lets fast forward to age 23. I was a super fit, healthy exercise instructor at the time and enjoying life. I had lovely like-minded friends, played a lot of music, danced and sang, read Tarot and practice astrology. I was happy. In another blog post here on this site I wrote about my near death experience at 23 and if you like you can read it here.
In August of 2016 I had a second NDE. It was quite remarkable, honestly. Very unsuspectingly I had gone to the hospital for a routine CT Scan. They had me drink the misery drink before going and then when I got there the technician told me he needed to take blood to measure how much of the contrast was in my system from the drink and that he would then have to give me an IV for more. UGH! Needles and IV’s my for certain least favorite things…tiny rolly polly veins trashed by previous IV’s I’m so truly not interested in this right now. But well what can you do right? Suck it up be a big girl relax and let go. I watch as the technician draws blood from my arm. I had told him about how difficult it may be and that most people use a tiny butterfly needle to stick me. He used a needle that looked like the old little insulin needles for diabetics. Kind of odd for a hospital blood draw typically its some big nasty IV that they stick tubes into as they drain you of as much blood as they can get. This guy was drawing the blood slowly, I watched intently. I could see a space of air between my blood in the needle and the plunger. Danger Will Robinson Danger! He started to depress. WHAT? WAIT? WTF are you doing. I tried to stay calm and said “Don’t kill me now” literally my very words. With that being said he kind of stammered and said oh this will be enough. I would say he had 3 millimeters of blood in that tiny little needle with the air in it! Then he put in the IV at which point I was telling him I am a fainter. He said I was fine that he had already put it in and was now washing it with Saline. Why? I have been in the hospital enough times (I suffer from diverticulitis) to KNOW that you only clean it if its been being used. He just put it in. He walks over to the far wall, his back is to me, I start to feel faint. Honestly the feeling I had was slipping away as in fainting. I said to him “I am going out,” nonsense he says, “its already in”, his back still towards me as he fusses about whatever he is doing over there. I say it again more urgently, his back remains turned. I moved in my chair so that my occipital curve of the back of my head is hooked on the back of the chair as I don’t want to fall over on my face. And then…I’m gone.
It was AMAZING. Suddenly as though my very essence had been taken with a dropper and relocated into “me” somewhere else. It was beautiful. It was golden yellow bright with green green grass. I was sitting on a pouf with several other people, outside, we ate tuna fish sandwiches, talked, laughed, cheered everyone, everything was joyful. I felt myself acquiring the memory of the “me” I had entered, oh yeah, yes, oh yes I remember, it was so exciting. This was going on before I got here. As I entered “my” body “here” I realized I was alive HERE in this place all this time, more of me, more of my essence! And now this part of me, this drop of me that was in the human body on earth has rejoined it and as though that drop of me had been there all along it remembered, I had memory of this other life the whole time hidden deep in my mind, in my dreams.
We are talking, there are eight of us. I know everyone and none of them, as though for eternity. I feel this amazing joy it would make me cry but I don’t cry, I feel…ahhhhh this is amazing, it’s love, this is what love is, its nothing like you could ever understand in the earth plane. It is unconditional, non-judgemental and it is a part of all that is. Its everything, it's everywhere. You just feel completely accepted as you are. The only judgment is within you and I am not sure I could ever feel that while in this state. I am being reminded of how “everything” works, about “all that is” about who we are. Everything and I can only feel bliss and joy and happiness and memory the overwhelming experience of remembering that which we already know and experiencing it in all its beauty. I realize that everyone here, that I am not sure I remember but know I know, are those who have always been and are always with me. I am being shown, hearing, downloading information as a stream of memory reawakening about all that is. How it all works. And I remember it instantly as in the very second the information reaches me like a drop of cherry ice on the tongue I know precisely what it is. The memory saturates me and I am reeling above this scene here as well and merging with the all that is, the pure essence of love. And in that instant I am amidst total darkness that is the universe, it is alive, and I am now one with it, I am the darkness, this darkness is love, it is ultimate peace, its beauty, it beats like a heart, its brilliant and all-knowing. I still have consciousness and can "see" If I focus on a star as far as the "eye" mind/consciousness can see/perceive, and I am there as though the entire surroundings suddenly changes in perspective and then with full embodied "knowing" or existence with the all that is I can move back into the circle of friends I have just been reacquainted with. Magnificient!
I am now, in that circle of friends discussing this very thing as well as laughing and are joyful. I never want to leave.
*a rough sketch I made shortly after the experience
And in that moment, I hear someone calling my name, it's from far away. They call and call, I want to ignore them, but I turn my head (in this beautiful place) and look over my left should almost a knee jerk reaction and I say (in a rather nasty – unlike this place- tone) WHAAAAT? Suddenly I see the spirals of a sea shell and I am spiraling down through I can see “me” the back of my head the chair I rested it on and the room in the hospital. I hear lots of noise, chaos and see, there, people running all over the place. Suddenly I am back in that body. PISSED. I feel fuzzy but unlike any fuzzy feeling, I have ever experienced before. I am still a good 6-8 inches out of my body, my hearing is muffled I am frantic, I am yelling, “who are you people, why did you call me here, what do you want” over and over. They are freaking out. I hear one person saying “she had an out of body experience”- seriously? Another is questioning the technician. “Are you sure that was saline” among other questions. There are eight (!) people standing around me and more running down the hall. The noise is the code being called over the loudspeaker system. Once I calmed down a bit though people were still fussing around me, a woman introduced herself as the director of that department and said this just doesn’t happen in this department so when it does she gets up and runs and she thanked me for the exercise. WOW. Really that's all she could think to say? They tried to get me to not do the CT scan but I insisted, I sure as hell was not coming back here to do this again! They waited a considerable time before they felt it was safe to let me go home. And they eventually went to get my husband from the waiting room.
Another sketch from shortly after the experience. The arcs were very much like the shell in the top banner.
I remember getting into the car. As we drove off I said to my husband, well the last thing I expected today was to die getting a CT scan! He was stunned “WHAT?” they never told him. I explained what happened. We went home where I stayed for more than a week. Once I felt I could venture out I found I looked at everything differently. The trees, the sky, animals, and people. I would find myself thinking “do they know? do they remember?” I found it curious to watch them go through their every movement, mom’s pushing kids on shopping carts talking about this and that, their little outfits and dolls etc. Do they know? Do they remember? I felt an odd mixed bag of emotions. I loved it where I had gone and was sad to have been brought back and at the same time it was shocking how quickly and unexpectedly you can “go” and that made me want to be here now even more. There is so much to be done. So much sadness, so much loss in the veil of who we are and all that is. What if everyone knew, KNEW they are loved. Knew they are one. What then. What if everyone knew that this is not “everything” but simply a part of…one.
Over the next few weeks more and more memory came to me. I understand completely now how things work. I have tried to explain it many times and will again here now.
Think of yourself as energy. Energy with awareness- or consciousness. Now think of it as a ball of light at the end of a glass straw laying horizontally (just a visual to give it ease of understanding) at the beginning of time all that is is splattered into infinite numbers in order to experience everything, every infinite possible combination of that – that is what makes the “one.” And you are a tiny part of that.
OK back to the glass tube. Image if you will that a dropper full of the total essence that is YOU drops a tiny drop of “you” into your human body, then in an infinite number of other “you drops” are placed in bodies in different scenarios in different places. You live out this life here, you go through many many experiences, and then you pass. When you do this essence travels and depending on where you were in your life path for that previous life which you just passed from, you travel to the next appropriate “you” to live out what you need to do most, at that time. Now, you see when I was 23 I had an “out of body experience” but when I was, well a few months back… I had a near death experience. They are different. In the out of body experience I experienced what I needed to experience AT THAT TIME in my life. And it was not an “exit” (more about exits another time.) I was not at a place in my current life that would bring me to the place I landed recently when I passed. In the out of body experience I was hovering over my body by the ceiling in the room, I saw the darkness around me though it wasn’t bad or negative it was peaceful and freeing, I saw light in the distance behind me over my left side, I became aware of oneness and love as an energy, I felt the joy of being freed of the confines of the body. I was approached by entities and told I needed to go back. And well that was when I got the paddles and back in I went. At the moment of return and as I traveled in, there were three voices. The one that I call “me” and two others talking in whisper quickly very quickly as I went back in. Oh the pain holy cow! There was much pain as I re-entered my body. And oh the surprised nurses when I gave them grief for talking smack about my mother!
I truly believe that where you are in your souls development in this life now influences what you will experience when your essence moves on to the next life. Also I think its important to mention that when my essence from this life passed into a more ” full” version of me, that other “me” was over joyed to have more of “me” added to the “whole” essence.
They did show me a glimpse of the infinite possibilities, it made sense of the “heaven and hell” scenario to me as lets be honest if you spend this lifetime wasting away as an addict, a thief a murderer or just not a good person in general then you are not ready to be placed in such a joyous place. You are not there yet. People who have made poor decisions will go to a version of them that will aid them in rising to be a better version of themselves able to free themselves of negative behaviors. So the idea reflects with “if you are bad you will go to hell.” Now I am not saying its “hell” but I am saying this is the ultimate karma! If you live a certain way when you pass you will be “dropped” into the next most fitting life for your souls journey to peace, and thereby moving back towards the one.
Here is an article I came across shortly after my experience, I have tried NOT to read any NDE articles or books as I do not want what I experienced to be tainted. I hope you find this information to be something you remember.
Quantum Theory Proves that Consciousness Moves to another Universe after Death.
I am grateful to be here now. And I fear not passing on as we are already there.